On neither occassion was it voluntary.
So I found myself completely alone. It was difficult. I watched some television. But I slept mostly.
The following year, my daughter and I had reconciled, but she was pressured into staying with her boyfriend who lived 1000 miles away for Christmas. I can honestly say that Christmas 2014 was the loneliest day of my life. My partner had been on a business trip to India, but that is where it gets weird.
She had spent the previous year with her adult children. This year was supposed to be us. A Christmas for us and maybe some time to work on our relationship. However instead of getting a return flight From Delhi to to Cape Town, she asked her client to fly her to the UK. I challenged her on this and she told me that there were simply no flights back to the UK. Actually her client could have flown her to a number of alternative connecting destinations to get her back to Cape Town. She simply didnt bother to ask.
It was sitting alone at home on this Christmas day, with nothing but a few Whatsapp messages from her that made me realise, I was alone, completely alone and in all honestly I deserved it.
This relationship had destroyed my relationships with my family, with my children and with myself. I could barely recognise myself. I didnt like the person I had become. And neither did anyone else.
So I decided that the first thing I had to do was remove the core of the problem, the DNA, the air supply. In order to change myself I had to remove the single greatest cause of my own logic and behaviour stimulus. You got it - my relationship.
This is a very difficult thing when you love someone. Even more than yourself. This person had told me she didnt love me anymore because inter alia I was too fat. (I was much the same weight as the day we met.)
She didnt believe anything about my life history. This became very painful because I had to "prove" my life to her. The loss of my first child - that she said I made up. How messed up I felt after serving in the Israeli army - which she said never happened and much more.
I initially thought that I had married a borderline personality but after ten months of identifying and treating my own personality deficits, I have come to the conclusion that I am in fact married to a sociopath. Our separation couldnt have come too soon, In fact it came too late for a lot of things.
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